Missing Him

I'm sitting here and all I can think about is my baby..........no, not my boyfriend, MY SON. I've sent him to live with my mom in the Caribbean because I got fed up with the school system here. I know I'm doing what's best for him but I must admit I don't think I can take it anymore.

The plan was for him to go to school there till he's ready for Jr. High, and by then I would have been finished with Nursing school here, then, we would both be 'reunited'. He's doing extremely well in school there and it's way easier for me to go to school and work without the added pressure of finding babysitters, coming home to cook, do homework etc. but to tell the truth, those are the things I miss about him the most! I miss taking care of my baby, I miss having him here and being a part of his daily life.

He, on the other hand, is doing well. He sees this as an adventure and he loves it there, but me.....I'm a complete wreck. I feel like a part of me is missing. Everywhere I go, everything I see, I'm reminded of him and my heart aches. I've decided that when he comes for Christmas, I won't send him back. I haven't told my mom this yet because I know she'll talk me out of it. She is willing to take care of him until I'm done with school. I know that sacrifices have to be made but I just don't think I can last 2 more years. He is my only child and I have never been away from him this long before....it's tearing me up inside to not have him here with me. Now I just have to figure out how I'm gonna break this to my mother. I know she's going to say that I need to toughen up, but I've made up my mind.

I go to bed at night with his face in my head. I kiss his picture 'goodnight' every night. I long for the days we would curl up on the couch and watch cartoons together. I long for the days I would throw him on the floor and tickle him till he had to run to the bathroom. I long for the nights when he would curl up next to me and go to sleep. He is my everything, my entire world. I miss my 10yr old baby!

101 Things About Me

Yes, I'm doing it, finally! It's only right to invest the time since most of my Blog Peeps have taken time out of their busy lives to do theirs for our reading pleasure. Well here goes......don't fall asleep now!

1. I'm in love.
2. I am the mother of a 10 yr old boy (I am very proud of him).
3. My middle name is Nicola. (Hence the 'Cola' in 'Cutie Cola')
4. I have a goldfish.
5. I love big dicks.
6. I love to masturbate too.
7. Men who smoke turn me off.
8. I grew up in the ghetto.
9. I wouldn't change it if I could.
10. I was betrayed by the one man I gave my whole heart to.
11. He fucked his 'now' wife in our 'then' bed.
12. She wrote her name on my sheets and the idiot didn't have a clue.
13. I still would've taken him back.
14. I love my mom very much.
15. My sisters and mom are my best friends.
16. I wish I had a daughter.
17. My boyfriend has no children.
18. He wants kids but I don't know how to tell him I can't till I finish school.
19. My son is my world.
20. I am very intelligent.
21. I can cook my ass off.
22. I love sex.
23. I'm horny all the time.
24. I believe in destiny.
25. I believe in God.
26. I pray a lot.
27. I don't go to church often enough.
28. I was once baptized.
29. I don't have casual sex.
30. I'm 5'5", 115 lbs and very curvy.
31. I love my first name (it's hyphenated).
32. I want to get married.
33. I hope it will be my boyfriend.
34. I am a very good driver.
35. I have a great sense of humor.
36. I'm not cocky at all, but I'm very self-confident.
37. I look just like my mom.
38. My son looks just like me.
39. I'm happy to be back in school.
40. I really want to be a Neuro Surgeon.
41. A doctor told me years ago that I couldn't handle it.
42. I want to prove him wrong.
43. I don't wear make-up.
44. I hate dresses and skirts.
45. I love my ass (I think it's so sexy).
46. I have no love for my father.
47. He left my mother to raise us by herself.
48. I am the oldest of 6 children.
49. I have 2 brothers and 3 sisters.
50. One of my brothers is a VERY famous reggae artist.
51. I don't tell people (fear of making fake friends).
52. I love my step-father.
53. I love to shop (no news there!).
54. I am a hopeless romantic.
55. I love surprises.
56. I love to kiss.
57. I have a tongue ring.
58. I think it's very sexy.
59. I like to explore sexually.
60. I don't do extreme sexual acts.
61. I don't own any sex toys.
62. I wish I owned a sex toy (dildo or vibrator).
63. I'm too scared my son will find it.
64. I love oral sex (receiving).
65. I love to sing.
66. I have a pretty good singing voice.
67. I love to dance.
68. I'm not bashful to dance at a party, club, etc.
69. I love to sleep naked.
70. I don't like doggy style (I love to ride).
71. My favorite color is pink (how typical!).
72. My favorite drink is Cosmopolitan.
73. My two favorite cars are Lincoln Navigator and Crysler PT Cruiser.
74. I own neither.
75. I eat a lot.
76. I never gain weight.
77. I am very sensitive and get hurt easily.
78. I don't trust a lot of people.
79. One of my biggest fears is betrayal (I wonder why??? - see #10).
80. I love to read.
81. I'm a big fan of Anne Rice.
82. I've read all her books (I think).
83. I love to swim.
84. My other new love is rollerblading.
85. I am very independent.
86. One of my all-time favorite bands is Air Supply.
87. They are on my iPod.
88. I'm a big fan of Yolanda Adams.
89. I hope to re-discover Christianity.
90. I worry about my family a lot.
91. I think great eyes and a great smile is a big turn-on.
92. I love a man with a sexy ass.
93. I miss my great grandmother (she died 4 yrs ago).
94. My very best friend died and I wasn't there for her.
95. I missed her funeral as well.
96. I think about her all the time.
97. I'm a very loyal friend.
98. I would like to be a mentor to children.
99. I strongly believe in giving back.
100. I would like to volunteer at the Salvation Army.
101. I look very young for my age.

Oh my gosh!! I can't believe I did it!! To tell the truth, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Well, I know it's a lot to read so take your time. This is all 100% me and it's all 100% true. It sure felt good. Next challenge 'Ask me anything' - coming soon!