Missing Him
I'm sitting here and all I can think about is my baby..........no, not my boyfriend, MY SON. I've sent him to live with my mom in the Caribbean because I got fed up with the school system here. I know I'm doing what's best for him but I must admit I don't think I can take it anymore.
The plan was for him to go to school there till he's ready for Jr. High, and by then I would have been finished with Nursing school here, then, we would both be 'reunited'. He's doing extremely well in school there and it's way easier for me to go to school and work without the added pressure of finding babysitters, coming home to cook, do homework etc. but to tell the truth, those are the things I miss about him the most! I miss taking care of my baby, I miss having him here and being a part of his daily life.
He, on the other hand, is doing well. He sees this as an adventure and he loves it there, but me.....I'm a complete wreck. I feel like a part of me is missing. Everywhere I go, everything I see, I'm reminded of him and my heart aches. I've decided that when he comes for Christmas, I won't send him back. I haven't told my mom this yet because I know she'll talk me out of it. She is willing to take care of him until I'm done with school. I know that sacrifices have to be made but I just don't think I can last 2 more years. He is my only child and I have never been away from him this long before....it's tearing me up inside to not have him here with me. Now I just have to figure out how I'm gonna break this to my mother. I know she's going to say that I need to toughen up, but I've made up my mind.
I go to bed at night with his face in my head. I kiss his picture 'goodnight' every night. I long for the days we would curl up on the couch and watch cartoons together. I long for the days I would throw him on the floor and tickle him till he had to run to the bathroom. I long for the nights when he would curl up next to me and go to sleep. He is my everything, my entire world. I miss my 10yr old baby!
The plan was for him to go to school there till he's ready for Jr. High, and by then I would have been finished with Nursing school here, then, we would both be 'reunited'. He's doing extremely well in school there and it's way easier for me to go to school and work without the added pressure of finding babysitters, coming home to cook, do homework etc. but to tell the truth, those are the things I miss about him the most! I miss taking care of my baby, I miss having him here and being a part of his daily life.
He, on the other hand, is doing well. He sees this as an adventure and he loves it there, but me.....I'm a complete wreck. I feel like a part of me is missing. Everywhere I go, everything I see, I'm reminded of him and my heart aches. I've decided that when he comes for Christmas, I won't send him back. I haven't told my mom this yet because I know she'll talk me out of it. She is willing to take care of him until I'm done with school. I know that sacrifices have to be made but I just don't think I can last 2 more years. He is my only child and I have never been away from him this long before....it's tearing me up inside to not have him here with me. Now I just have to figure out how I'm gonna break this to my mother. I know she's going to say that I need to toughen up, but I've made up my mind.
I go to bed at night with his face in my head. I kiss his picture 'goodnight' every night. I long for the days we would curl up on the couch and watch cartoons together. I long for the days I would throw him on the floor and tickle him till he had to run to the bathroom. I long for the nights when he would curl up next to me and go to sleep. He is my everything, my entire world. I miss my 10yr old baby!
10 Comments:
Sounds like you made a sounds decision in the best interest of you and your son. Its no doubt you would miss him, but as the only saying goes, "mommy knows best." And its sound like you were doing just that, you'll be back together before you know it.
Welcome Back Babes....
Well gotta go finish out my beautiful evening. Peace
Hey hon, glad to see you're back and kicking.....
I'm with you no the whole missing my baby thing, I have an 11yr old and know how you feel. But it was all done for a very good reason, so stop beating up on yourself for your decision.
Christmas will be here in no time.
Again welcome back, I was about to file a missing person report with the blog police....~LOL~
That must be tough. Not only is your boyfriend not in the same city as you, your son is in a different country. i don't know how you survive. I'd be bouncing off the walls if the two most important women in my life weren't in the same city as me. you truly need to be applauded for the sacrifices you've made in your life.
Awww *hugs* you did the right thing. Missing him is rough I know but just keep thinking about the "reunion". I ditto you on the school system--it sucks royally.
www.princessdominique.com/blog
Ay, Thats a hard one. I dont know that I could be separated from my kids but then again I would try to do whatever was going to be best for them.
Stay strong and focus on what you have to do while he is over there. If you loose control and dont focus he'll have been away from you all this time for nothing. Make the most of the time he is "Safe and taken care of" with your Mom. When he gets back you guys will pick up right where you left off... Im sure of it!
It's a normal feeling to be missing him, but think long and hard before you choose not to send him back to the Caribbean. If he's doing well in school and you have the blessings of your mom to take care of him, then take advantage. Concentrate on your studies and before you know it the two yrs will be up and both you and your son will be better off.
tough one. before you make the final decision just think of why you sent him in the first place. So many things to think of here. Whats best for him, whats best for you etc etc. But say a prayer and let god help you make the right decision.
I hope you're all right over there missy.
Okay this is the 5th time I have tried to post her and for some reason it won't post. You need to get a email link.
Girl... You can do it, I did. I had much more to say but computer keeps acting up.
Awww I'm sorry you miss your "baby." Sometimes sacrafice is harder than we think. I'm sure he'll be just as happy to be reunited with you as you will be to be with him.
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