He's Out Of My Life..............Again
Well, he's gone........yes, gone.........
My son flew back to Jamaica with my mom early yesterday morning.
He started crying since the begining of the week and at one point he asked 'mommy, why do you never cry with me?' My response was 'because both of us can't break down at the same time '.
The whole way to the airport I was solemn, withdrawn and a bit irritated. I didn't speak, I didn't play any music and I was completely numb. My eyes would tear up and a lump would form in my throat but I held it together. When we said our final goodbyes, I watched them go toward the gate till I couldn't see them anymore.........then the tears came flooding out.
I bawled..............
I cried all the way to the car. I sat in the car for about 5 minutes and just cried. My heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest. I just kept saying 'I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry'. I cried, it rained and I cried some more.
As soon as they landed my mom called me. I told her how much I cried and she said he cried a lot too..........that made me start crying again. I'm tearing up right now writing this.
When I got home last night and found my house empty, I started crying again. I found his pajamas on the floor where he left them when he was getting dressed and I picked it up and held it to my face. The tears just wouldn't stop.
I've not smiled since.
My son flew back to Jamaica with my mom early yesterday morning.
He started crying since the begining of the week and at one point he asked 'mommy, why do you never cry with me?' My response was 'because both of us can't break down at the same time '.
The whole way to the airport I was solemn, withdrawn and a bit irritated. I didn't speak, I didn't play any music and I was completely numb. My eyes would tear up and a lump would form in my throat but I held it together. When we said our final goodbyes, I watched them go toward the gate till I couldn't see them anymore.........then the tears came flooding out.
I bawled..............
I cried all the way to the car. I sat in the car for about 5 minutes and just cried. My heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest. I just kept saying 'I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry'. I cried, it rained and I cried some more.
As soon as they landed my mom called me. I told her how much I cried and she said he cried a lot too..........that made me start crying again. I'm tearing up right now writing this.
When I got home last night and found my house empty, I started crying again. I found his pajamas on the floor where he left them when he was getting dressed and I picked it up and held it to my face. The tears just wouldn't stop.
I've not smiled since.
9 Comments:
I'm late to your blog, so I don't really know the context of this post. But I'll try to be conforting.
Cheer up. Everything will be ok.
Better? Good!
KZ
I feel for you girl :-( But take this opportunity to focus on what you need to do right now. Dont let this break you. You owe it to yourself and to HIM to finish what you've started. Stay strong... you and he will be together soon.
Take care
Ahhhhh I'm crying myself....
I know how you must feel. When my son went to Barbados for the first time without me...I cried like I would never see him again!!
I know this is not the same as what you're going through he came back after a month....but it will get easier.
You are doing this for a reason and you guys will be back sooner than you realize.
I'm calling you.....we can cry together!! *smile*
Keep ya head up babes!
~Smooches~
Just stopping by. Nice blog. I'll be back.
Awwww, that is sad. It just makes me think about when I was little and I would go to visit grandma. I would cry so hard when I had to leave. I loved being around her so much!
I know you miss him so, but you'll both be okay.
First time at the blog. I will def be back to read more. It's always sad to be away from your child I don't have any but I know how I felt when my parents use to leave me when I was younger.
Remember the reason that he is gone and the outcome of what will occur when he comes back.....take care
Don't cry babygirl.
Awww. I saw your post and figured you were back. Soon...
Hush girl! Hope you feel better soon. Everytime my mom and I visit my sis in NY, she cries when I'm leaving.
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