Looong Weekend

Well, the weekend is gone and I didn't even see it go by. This was one of the busiest weekends I've had in a long long time. I have not had a moment of rest and already it's Monday.

I had to cook and cater for a birthday party on Saturday (a little hustling). I didn't get home till 2am and by 8am this morning, I had to get up to go to Manhattan to get some things for my sister. I got home and got straight to hitting the books as I have a major exam on Tuesday. I am so exhausted and am about to hit the sack. I have to get up at 6am tomorrow for class at 8am. I NEED a day to just do NOTHING. I feel like a zombie right now.

Oh yeah, just in case you thought you read wrong.........yeah, I CAN cook, and very well I might add. It's one of the things I absolutely looooove to do. I love to bake as well. My mom made sure all of her children (my brothers as well) learned to cook. I don't like fast food that much and I'm not a big fan of eating out either. I prefer to make my own meals, I enjoy them more. My son, as you can imagine, loves this about me, because he eats like a horse.

So.......there you have it, Cutie, the poet, the mom, the student, the romantic, the dreamer, the lover AND the cook........to name a few of my ass-ets :-)

In My Mind's Eye

As I lay here thinking of my love for thee
I imagine the intensity of our impending reunion.

I see thine outstreched arms and I run to you
I melt in thine embrace as a child yearning for a mother's soothing touch.
I shed a tear that speaks more that words could form.
You look in mine eyes and kiss me with an intensity I've never known.

I feel you. I see thine soul. I feel you within me.
You enter my soul, and I cry out in ecstasy as we become one.
Thy shaft fills my throbbing, aching emptiness
and I feel transcended of this earth.
I feel thine hands caress my longing, deprived soul.
and the scent of your desire drives me wild

I feel you explode within me......
Sparks fly to the heavens and I thank you for re-lighting my fire.
I am out of breath, I am speechless, I am limp. So are you.
I feel your heart, I taste your soul, and I savour its undescribable flavor.
I knew right then, this is forever.

He's Out Of My Life..............Again

Well, he's gone........yes, gone.........

My son flew back to Jamaica with my mom early yesterday morning.

He started crying since the begining of the week and at one point he asked 'mommy, why do you never cry with me?' My response was 'because both of us can't break down at the same time '.

The whole way to the airport I was solemn, withdrawn and a bit irritated. I didn't speak, I didn't play any music and I was completely numb. My eyes would tear up and a lump would form in my throat but I held it together. When we said our final goodbyes, I watched them go toward the gate till I couldn't see them anymore.........then the tears came flooding out.

I bawled..............

I cried all the way to the car. I sat in the car for about 5 minutes and just cried. My heart felt like it was ripped out of my chest. I just kept saying 'I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry'. I cried, it rained and I cried some more.

As soon as they landed my mom called me. I told her how much I cried and she said he cried a lot too..........that made me start crying again. I'm tearing up right now writing this.

When I got home last night and found my house empty, I started crying again. I found his pajamas on the floor where he left them when he was getting dressed and I picked it up and held it to my face. The tears just wouldn't stop.

I've not smiled since.

My Heart Is Breaking

Time is drawing nearer for my son to leave and I'm starting to feel pretty anxious. He's leaving in about a week and a half and I don't know if I'll have the guts to send him back. He doesn't want to go back either. He's been asking me 'why can't I just stay with you?'. It breaks my heart to tell him he has to go back, but I might just give in and let him stay. I don't have much time left to make this decision, but I pray that whatever happens, it will be for the best.

I really have been enjoying our time together. I've taken him to school and work with me and we have really spent some good quality time together, but I still feel like he's been gone long enough and I need him back in my life. I sometimes think that I'm more emotionally dependent on him than he is on me. I love him so much that I can't bear him being so far away from me. I know it's all for the best but it's so, so hard!

I don't know what's gonna happen, I guess I just have to wait and see.

Glory Unto Him

God is good. I am so blessed and want to just give God the glory right now.

I have been going through so much lately, financially as well as emotionally, and sometimes I feel like just screaming. But through all the storms and tribulations that I've been going through, I never stopped praying and remembering that 'THINGS COULD BE WORSE'.

Who am I to complain?? There is so much to give thanks for and I try not to lose sight of that. I have my health and a sound mind, I have a loving and extremely supportive family, I have a roof over my head and food to eat (just to mention a few of my blessings). So many have to be without these simple things that we take for granted!

So many things are going wrong in my life right now, but even more things are going right! Prayer is a powerful thing and I know, for me, it works.

May you all be BLESSED.

New Year, New Style

My Dear Bloggers,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! MAY YOU ALL BE RICHLY BLESSED FOR 2006!!

I've missed you all dearly. I am so sorry for such a long break and I know that a lot of you have come on every now and then to say 'where the hell are ya??', but I just want you all to know that I'm still here and you all have been sorely missed. I have been so, so busy with school and work lately that I have barely had time to scratch my head.

I'm sure you will all be glad to know that I got A's in all my fall courses! (Anatomy and Physiology II, Chemistry and Physics). I worked my butt off and I'm very happy with the results. One of my professors called me a Nerd, but I'm far from it. I just basically became a hermit and shut everything out in order to get maximum results on my exams (the old brain is not as sharp as it used to be :-)

To top it all off, my son is here! He's been here for a week and, of course, I have been doing nothing but spending some good, quality time with him. I'm so very happy and grateful right now and I feel very blessed.

As you can see, I've done a little re-modelling for the new year. I'm feeling very good about this upcoming year and pray that we will all receive the blessings that are coming to us. I have not read any of you guys recent posts but will be doing so in the next few days (I've spent most of tonight overhauling my SPOT).

May I also say that discovering Blogger and my new Blog Peeps in 2005 was a treat for me, I've enjoyed reading, commenting and posting, and I look forward to a lot more crazyness for 2006.