Don't Take My Sweetness For Weakness

Hi everyone,

I've had such a really crazy/busy weekend that I didn't find time to do any posting. I've been itching to get on blogger since Saturday because I have something I want to tell y'all that happened to me Friday.

Okay, first of all, let me say that I am a very docile, peace-loving type of person. I don't like drama in my life and I normally avoid confrontations. However, this past Friday I had to kick a bitch's ass. Literally! Yeah, yeah, I know........mouths are dropping and eyes are popping out but it's true....I did have to get down 'n dirty which is totally outside my character (I fought a lot as a kid, but cut that shit out as an adult).

So.....this is the story: My school had a 'End of Camp Carnival' on Friday and I was the MC for the entertainment segment. This school has 4 branches and all 4 came together at our location for the carnival. Now I was looking around for a clipboard to put my program on and found one in the back of a classroom. I didn't know who's it was but just wanted to borrow it for the show then I'd put it back where I found it. How about in the middle of my MC-ing, this biatch from one of the other branches (whom I've never even met in my life) came up to me, on stage and demanded her clipboard! She had the nastiest attitude and told me she wanted her shit back 'now' and proceeded to snatch it out of my hand (her head 'n eyes rolling)! Now, firstly, I have been busting my tail getting this show ready and I was exhausted from working long-ass hours doing the decorations and preparing my class' performances; secondly, due to my exhaustion, I was very irritable.......needless to say, that bitch picked the wrong day and the wrong time to f#*k with me! I didn't do anything right away because like I said, I was on stage and in the middle of the show. However, as soon as the show was done, I changed into my jeans, t-shirt and sneakers, took off my jewelry and went looking for the bitch in the crowd. At this point, I was fuming and didn't care if I was asked to leave the job after I was done with her. When I found her I tapped her on her shoulder and proceeded to tell her to never approach me like that again, before I could finish saying what I had to say, she put her hand up in my face! ***That was my cue***, I hauled off and slapped her ass and she tried to slap me back but before she could, I kicked her straight to the ground............that's as far as it got because out of nowhere, 3 men grabbed onto me and took me inside immediately. I was really worked up by then and just wanted them to let me go so I could go back outside, but it wasn't happening. My aunt came back and begged me not to go back out there with any more fighting because she didn't want the carnival to be ruined. I backed off and promised her I wouldn't, so I chilled after that.

I'm just tired of ppl seeing me and thinking they can walk over me. Because I have such a calm demeanor, it's normally percieved as 'push-over'.......well, enough is enough. Honestly, on a normal day, I would've let it slide and move on, but that day, I just wasn't havin' it. I must admit, it felt damn good wailin' on her, but I don't see myself getting into fights anytime soon. I'M REALLY A NICE PERSON, that last straw just broke the camel's back, that's all.

The New Sexual Me

For as long as I can remember, I have never really had a craving for sex. I mean if and when it happens I would enjoy it but I would never be the initiator. I would not long for sex at all! I could go for months without sex and it wouldn't bother me one bit. It wasn't a matter of the sex not being good either, as a matter of fact, when we did have sex (my son's father and I), it would be great! I just never yearned for it at all.

Well, lately that has all changed. I have noticed that since I've hit my late 20's (and, ironically, just after me and my son's father broke up), I've just been horny all the damn time! I remember a girlfriend of mine who is about 4 yrs older than me that used to tell me how much she suddenly started craving sex when she hit her 30's and I was like 'that'll never be me'. Now, I see exactly what she was talking about! I don't know if this is the case with all or most females but it damn sure is the case with me! I used to think that it was due to the fact that I don't live with a man anymore and the dick is not readily available to me if I want it. But no, that's not the case, because even when I have sex nowadays, right after I'm done, I WANT MORE!! If anyone told me this would be me today I would say 'hell naw'..........but here I am in all my glory, more sexually charged than I've ever been in my entire life! I think about sex, orgasms, dicks, etc ALL THE TIME!!.......I mean 24/7 - literally! It's like I can't get enough, I could go at it all day everyday and still feel like I didn't get enough............

Here's another thing, I don't know if women normally experience this, but I think I've even had 'wet dreams'! I'll be dreaming about having sex and climaxing and next thing I know, I wake up in the middle of a real, honest to goodness orgasm! This has happened to me more than once and it freaks me out every time. I've never experience anything like it as a teenager or young adult but you bet I'm loving it while it lasts!!

My sistas, am I an exception or have any of you experienced this 'sexual peak' phenomenon?? Men, have you ever been with a woman who has gone through this?? Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining......as a matter of fact, I like this new sexual side of me. I really hope this new me will stick around for a loooooong time :-)

Romance In The Workplace

How many of you guys have been involved with someone on your job? Well I've done it once and it was a total disaster! This guy always wanted to be all over me even though we agreed to keep things on the hush. He would always want me to go with him on the stairs so I could kiss him before he goes back to work. Now, I'm not saying I wasn't attracted to him or that I didn't want to kiss him as well, but I knew that our relationship had to remain as much outside of work as was possible. Luckily, shortly after we started dating, I accepted another job offer at a different company. The relationship didn't last much longer after that because it was then that I realized how possessive he was and how much he liked having us work in the same company together. He started to get paranoid and started to want to 'CLOCK' me!! I DON'T PLAY THAT SH#T!! I had to cut his ass loose, he seriously had control issues and it didn't even dawn on me till I wasn't under his watchful eye anymore!

Now........fast forward to today...........there's this man (my supervisor) at my new job that has a crush on me. He has admitted it to me and I told him right off that I have a boyfriend and I'm not into the fooling around thing. How about this fool started to hang around me like all the time, and he keeps bringing me little things/gifts and writing me little notes. The thing that is bothering me though, is that he came up to me today (without any warning whatsoever), threw his arms around me, picked me up off the floor and spun me around! This is a man that doesn't talk much to ANYONE at the job so you can imagine how unusual this looked. He did this in front of everyone and it pissed me off. Only God knows what ppl are saying/thinking behind my back. Now there's a 'weirdness' between us and I wish he didn't take it there. How dare he??? I felt so violated!! I've decided to just go on as if it never even happened because I know that the more I make of it, is the more the rest of the staff will make of it. What's your opinion on office romances? Am I taking his advances too seriously? Or should I just brush it off, let him know not to do it again, and move the hell on? (I'm leaning toward the latter.................).

Musical Tag.........I'm It!

Okay, I've been tagged by Princess Dominique. I've never done this before but I guess the way it works is I need to list the 10 favorite songs that I listen to and then tag 4 people. Whomever I tag needs to do the same (I suppose). So...............here goes!

I tag:
Sweet Bajan Beauty
Organized Noise
MsNHim
MeCrazyMe

My top ten songs are:
1. Breathe - Fabolous
2. Longing For - Jah Cure
3. Bad Habit - Destiny's Child
4. If I Was Your Woman - Gladys Knight
5. Pon De Replay - Rihanna
6. F**k Har - Elephant Man (Actually, anything by Elephant Man)
7. Time To Change - Yolanda Adams
8. In The Midst Of It All - Yolanda Adams
9. More Than A Woman - Aaliyah
10. One Man Can't Satisfy Her - I Wayne

So there you have it! These are definitely some of my favorite songs. That was harder than I thought. I listen to so much music that it's hard to pick just 10. As you can see I listen to almost all genres. My absolute favorite will always be reggae though.

Have Fun!

When It Rains...........It Pours!

Isn't it always the case that you could go through a dry spell for a while (money, love, job, etc.) and then, when you finally get a break and things start to look up, you go from not having any hopes of redemption to having more choices than you know what to do with! A prime example is if you are out of a job..............you send applications to every company you can (you even start to consider McDonald's) and as soon as you finally get one job offer, a million more start rolling in!!

Well, similarly, I want to talk about my 'dry spell'. After I left my son's father, I went for about 3 years without a boyfriend. Initially, it was by choice but after about a year or so, I really wanted to start dating again but never found anyone that I really clicked with, or if I did, they were already involved. Finally, about a year ago, I got involved in my long-distance relationship and I deliberately took things slow because I was still a bit paranoid about getting hurt again, (I also wanted to keep my options open). Anyway, just recently I decided to go full steam ahead with this relationship because, as I've said in a previous blog, I really have fallen for him and I believe he has fallen for me as well. So...........how about just after my soul-searching and commitment making I started hearing from all these other dudes that have come into my life in the past. These are guys that have apparently liked me when they first met me but never really expressed it till now. Funny thing is that I sorta liked each of them too but was too shy to say anything either! Don't get me wrong, I don't intend on messing with any of them. I don't get down like that, if I'm commited to one man, then it's just that one man, period. It's just funny to me that after being man-less for so many years now I have more options than I even care for! How many of you have experienced this phenomenon? - (job, love life, money, etc) . Do tell!

Is It Just Me??

Is it just me or do people seem to lack a concience nowadays? If you give people the chance, they will use and abuse you until nothing is left! Today has been a very hectic day for me and I am so drained! My aunt called me yesterday and asked me if I could take her to Queens to pick up a friend of hers that just flew in to New York. I told her no problem, so today after work I picked her up and we headed out. It was about a half hour drive and to tell the truth, all I could think about was how much gas I was using! I know it might sound cold but it's true! Anyone of you that live in NY know that gas prices have been ridiculous lately! I had just filled my tank this morning and was thinking this should last till my next paycheck. Remember, I haven't been working for about 4 months and just started back working 2 weeks ago. Needless to say, a sista is broke & trying to catch up with all my delinquent bills. I really don't have any money like that, so I have to live on a veeeeery tight budget. With that said, I decided to bite the bullet and do this favor for my aunt. In the back of my mind I was expecting that she would offer me some money towards gas but decided that if she didn't it wouldn't be a big deal.

Here's whats pissing me off right now though......................how about after 5 minutes of meeting HER friend, she (the friend) looked at me and asked me to take her back home to Queens tomorrow!! Now first of all, I don't know this lady from a hole in the f**king wall, and how dare she assume that because she's my aunt's friend that it was okay for her to ask me to do her favors!!??!! Secondly, she made sure she asked me in front of my aunt because she knows I'm not going to tell her flat out 'no'. The worst part is, when everybody got out of the car, they said 'thank you' and went on their way! Nobody offered even a fiver for gas and I have a strong feeling that the same thing will happen tomorrow. I'm just really pissed because if I were to ask for gas money I might come off as petty or even disrespectful. I've just decided that I'm not gonna ask anyone for anything, I'll just take her home like I (unwillingly) promised and call it a day. Now I just got home after a long day of work, I'm exhausted and hungry as hell and I have to do this all again tomorrow! I really need to learn how to just say 'NO', it will save me a lot of frustration.

Two Less Lonley People In The World

So I've decided to give love a chance. I have weighed the pros and cons and realized that if I want something good in my life, I must be ready and willing to work at it and possibly make sacrifices. I have been hurt really, really badly by my son's father and since then I don't think twice about telling a man to kiss my a** if I have the slightest doubt about where things are going. I realize that I am so afraid of being hurt again that I would rather jeopardize something that has the potential to be GREAT than to end up being hurt. I've also realized that everytime I start to get caught up in someone, I find all kinds of faults with him to justify me kicking him out of my life.

Has anyone seen the movie 'Frankie & Johnny'?? I see myself so much in the character of Frankie. I want to get involved again, I want to love and be loved, I want to say 'that's my man', but my fear is stronger than all of these wants! It's funny how I can sit here and dish out good advice to friends, but it took me sooooo long to analyze my own situation! I have had to admit to myself that I have put up a wall around my heart and I will have to let my guard down a little bit in order to give love a chance.

With that said, I have decided to give this relationship a chance. I will try to be more patient and stop making excuses as to why I need to end it. We did a lot of talking and I admitted these fears to him. He also admitted fears of his own (I had no idea he was just as scared!). We promised each other to always try and be HONEST no matter what, and to not hold anything back out of fear. I hope things work out for the best. Even if we don't end up together, I hope it will be a great ride nontheless.

ps. Thanks Organized! ;-)

Have You Ever..............?

Have you ever wondered why things that should be so easy in your life are the things that end up being the most complicated?

Now you've heard me talk about my boyfriend that lives down south........I've voiced concern about this long distance relationship over and over, but I'm still not sure what to do. I know I love him and I do believe him when he says that he loves me as well but it's just so annoying that he lives so far away! One would think it would be easy to just say 'fuck it' and get with someone that I can, at least, have more physical contact with right? WRONG!! It's not that cut and dry! On one hand I don't want to be bothered, but on the other hand I feel it's totally worth it if this means genuine happiness in the near futue. I am not the most patient person in the world and because of this I sometimes feel that, love or no love, I should get out of this straining relationship.

I want to be happy, really and truly happy. I am in love and it feels good to know that he feels the same way. I don't want to let go of this relationship without giving it a real chance. Everytime I think about him I smile, everytime I hear his voice I feel butterflies, everytime he calls my name my heart skips a beat and everytime he says 'I love you' I melt into a puddle. I don't want to let go of magic like that, but every now and then I get frustrated. I have so much love in me and I want to do more than share it over the phone with him (anyone feelin' me??) I know this is real because after a year, we talk as if we have just fallen in love yesterday. I feel like he is my soulmate! God, why the irony?????

Oh well, guess only time will tell................thanks for lending your 'virtual' ears!

The Prodigal Returns

Sorry I've been away for so long but I've been busy all weekend! Yeah, imagine that, ME busy on a weekend!

I do feel wonderful though. I've been 'trying' to workout more by trying to stay active (swimming and rollerblading) and I feel a lot more energetic and alive lately. Today I walked into work and someone said that I'm glowing as if I got some last night............but in reality I haven't gotten any in a while, but I just feel damn good! I've just approached my 30's, I don't look anything like my age (I look a lot younger) and I don't feel like my age either! However, I have noticed that my body is not as - how should I put this - 'FIRM' as it used to be :-) So I've decided that I needed to get some kind of workout into my lifestyle. I'm not a gym fan and know I'd only be wasting my money if I should pay for membership so I decided whatever I do it should be something that I enjoy and can do whenever 'I' feel like. I love to swim and it's great workout. Rollerblading............ I'm a novice at this activity, but it's something that I also enjoy very much.

So there you have it. Nothing much else to write about but want to give all my Blog Peeps a big shout out.

Later!! :-)

For Sale (NY Readers)

Hey guys,

I hope you don't take any offense, but I'm about to use my blog links to help me sell my car. I know this site is for us expressing our views, opinions, feelings etc. but I NEED to sell this car ASAP and thought this might be a good way to spread the word.

I'm selling a '93 Toyota Camry. Very good condition and runs great. The asking price is $2,000 but of course there's always room for negotiation. If anyone is interested or knows someone that might be interested, please contact me at cutiecola21@yahoo.com for further details etc. Obviously this is mainly directed to my fellow NY bloggers as I live here in NY also, but anyone and everyone is welcome to inquire.

Again, no offense intended and if I get cussed out for using this site for the wrong purpose I'll understand :(

Blog y'all later! And thanks in advance!